Power Behind The Pantsuit
by Queen Jossie
Summary: Once again, Ms. Li goes too far with her "rules"


Power behind the Pantsuit By Queen Jossie 

Summary: Ms. Li finally goes too far when planning a school event, and ends up putting her job, and all of Lawndale High at stake. 10/17/99 

This is my 3rd fic. I had started writing others, but they always turned into shippers, and that gets old after a while. I had started to write another story, originally to be my 3rd, but my lovely floppy disk bit the dust, and I don't have it anywhere else (smart me), but I can see myself reviving somehow. Well, same rules apply to this fic as to any other, if you copy my work or anything to that extent, its curtains for you. I do not own any part of Daria or her related characters, so MTV, please don't come and hunt me down. O.B.K.B., on with the show. 

The Daria logo pops up and "Power Behind the Pansuit" appears in daria writing. 

It's cold and rainy outside, and lightning flashes a couple times. The wind is blowing wildly and blowing trees to near-horizontal positions. CUT TO Daria's room. She's dressed and is looking out of the window. A large branch flies into her window with a "boom" and she jumps from the surprise. The branch falls to the ground and gets blown around some more. 

Daria: Goody. I better call Jane. 

Jane: Yo. 

Daria: (turning around) What are you doing here? 

Jane: I went running and this huge branch almost took me to lala land. 

Daria: It took my breath away. 

Jane: I see that. (looks around) Could I possibly use the phone? I have to tell Trent not to worry that I'm not coming home before school. 

Daria: What are you going to wear? 

Jane: (lifting a duffel bag) I came prepared. 

CUT TO The Morgendorffer Kitchen 

Helen is sipping a cup of coffee while reading a bunch of papers, most likely a deposition. Jake is doing the same, only reading a newspaper. The front of the paper reads, "Storm to Take Over Lawndale, USA". Quinn is sitting in her usual spot eating cereal and reading an issue of "Waif" magazine. Daria walks in and grabs another chair, setting it by the table. Helen looks up and sees this. 

Helen: Who's the chair for, sweetie? 

Daria: My invisble friend Bob. 

Helen: Daria, it's too early in the morning to... 

Jane: (walking in) Good morning Mr. and Mrs. Morgendorffer. Hey Quinn. 

Quinn: (not looking up) Hey. 

Helen: (surprised) Jane, how did you get here? It's madness outside. 

Jane: (sitting down) I ran, Mrs. Morgendorffer. I figured I might not make it home so I brought a bag with me. 

Jake: (putting down paper) Hey Jane-o. How's it hangin? 

Jane gives Daria a look, Helen looks at Jake with a "oh, please" look. 

Helen: Well, since the weather is so bad, I'll give you guys a ride to school. 

Daria: Wouldn't that make you late for your depostition this morning? 

Helen: I don't care. Taking you guys to school will give us some bonding time. 

Daria: (to herself) Oh yeah. A whole 6 minutes. 

Quinn: (putting down her magazine) Just how warm is it outside? 

Daria: (getting up) Let's see. 

Daria walks over to the mini-TV and turns it on. A figure similar to Al Roker appears. 

"Al": And it looks like mid 50's today in Lawndale. Put on that extra sweater. 

Daria: (turning off TV) Are you sure what you're wearing will be warm enough at school, Quinn? Remember, it's just cool enough to keep the heat off and warm enough to keep the windows open. 

Quinn: Great! Now I can wear my new sweater! 

Jane: Looks like you brought that one on yourself. 

Daria: No doubt about it. 

CUT TO Daria's room again. Daria opens her closet door and pulls the jeans out. Jane has on a pair of black pajama pants instead of her usual shorts. 

Daria: Excuse me, but do you mind not watching me put on my pants? 

Jane: (turning to face other direction) It isn't usual that you'd change your clothes before going to school. What do you think will happen? 

Daria: What do I care. I'm putting the jeans on so I don't freeze my ass off. You can turn around now. 

Jane: (turning around) Well, don't we look stunning in this lovely ensemble? 

Daria: And the pajama pants make just the nicest touch. 

Quinn: (walking by) EWW!! You guys look even worse than before. 

CUT TO Outer doors of Lawndale High. 

Daria and Jane are about to walk in the door when they see a policeman with a hand held metal detector searching all of the students. Ms. Li is standing near the policeman, personally checking on the students. Shot back to the look of horror between Jane and Daria. 

Lead in: Shot of Daria and Jane in Daria's room when Quinn walks by. ***Commercial Break*** 

Anncr: On the Season Premier of Road Rules... What happens when you take a city boy, a country girl, a devout Catholic, an Irish Protestant, an Atheist, and Mr. Football Player Hero, shove them in a winnie across South America, and give them the equivalent of 1000 American Dollars? 

Country Girl: I just cannot believe this. 

Atheist: God has no part in my life. 

Catholic: What do you mean God has no part in your life? 

Irish: Really...I mean...hey! I can't side with a Catholic. 

City Boy: What do you think of these shenanigans, BMOC? 

Mr. Football: What's BMOC? 

Anncr: See it all unfold on Road Rules: South America Mondays on the Ten Spot. 

***Back to the show*** 

Daria: (looking at the mayhem) What's going on? 

Jane: Maybe somebody called the school with a bomb threat. 

Ms. Li: (to police officer) Them, check those two (points at Daria and Jane) especially well. They aren't even wearing their usual garb. 

Jane: Uh oh. So much for keeping warm. 

Police Officer: Come on ladies, you're next. 

Police officer takes Jane by the arm and swipes the detector over her. It beeps unconclusively. 

Officer: Next. 

Officer takes Daria by the arm as well. He swipes the detector over her and stops at her pants. 

Officer: Got anything hidden there? 

Daria: They're regular old zipper and button jeans. (Lifts shirt to show zipper. We also see the mark of her button piercing) 

Officer: What's the hole from? 

Daria: (sighs) A friend of mine wanted to get a piercing, so in order for him to get the special I got a piercing too. I took out the ring coz it itched so much, and the whole closed up. 

Officer: Okay, Ms. Li, they're clean. 

Ms. Li: Are you sure? 

Officer nods and walks over to a group of students. Ms. Li looks at the two girls menacingly as they pick up their bookbags. 

Ms. Li: (warning) Watch your backs, Ladies. If anything happens that would bring dishonor or bad publicity to (pause) Lawndale High, you two will be blamed. 

Daria: Do you remember my mother? 

Ms. Li: Your mother has nothing on me, Ms. Morgendorrfer. 

Jane: But do you remember my mother? 

Ms. Li: (thinks for a second, then) I don't remember ever...DISMISSED!! 

Bell rings. CUT TO Mr. DeMartino's class. There is a metal detector over the doorway. 

Jane: (Walking in) Isn't that kinda ironic? 

Daria: Yeah, you'd expect DeMartino to have the guns. 

Jodie: (behind them) Maybe they're in his desk. 

With a surprised look from Daria, the three take their seats. Mr. DeMartino comes in after them. Surprisingly, the alarm does not go off. He immediately grabs a piece of chalk and writes down on the chalkboard: "Capital Punishment" 

Mr. DeMartino: STUdents, which of YOU believe that CAPITAL PUNISHment is okay? Kevin? 

Kevin: Wow, Mr. DeMartino. I didn't know you could punish the state capitals. 

Mr. DeMartino: (growls angrily) UHHGGGG, Daria? 

Daria: I'd like to plead the 5th. 

Mr. DeMartino: WHY would you DO a thing like THAT? 

Daria: Well, considering the fact that there are now metal detectors as well as hidden cameras in each room, I wouldn't want to say anything incriminating. 

Jane: But by not saying anything, doesn't that make you seem just as guilty? 

Daria: Shut up, Lane. 

Mr. DeMartino: NO, Jane has a GOOD POINT. ANYone care to COMMENT? 

No one replies. 

Mr. DeMartino: Fine. (sits down and picks up a hip flask from inside desk) FREE day today. Find something to do. (starts drinking) 

All eyes watch DeMartino in awe. No one can believe that he's drinking right in class. Shortly a police officer walks in with Ms. Li following. 

Ms. Li: Mr. DeMartino! What are you doing? 

Officer: Okay, DeMartino. Lets go. 

Mr. DeMartino stands up willingly and happily walks out of the room. Ms. Li looks appaled, then looks to Daria and Jane. 

Ms. Li: What did you do to him? 

Daria: Nothing. He asked us about capital punishment and I plead the 5th. 

Jane: It was nothing out of the ordinary. He just sat down and started drinking. 

Ms. Li: (not buying it) Oh, I'm sure that's what happened. I'm going to keep an eye on you too. If you so much as drop a pencil... 

Officer: (hurriedly) Ms. Li, I think I have something you'd like to see. 

Ms. Li: (to the two) Hmph! (walks away) 

Jane: Wow. Saved by the fuzz. 

Daria: I'm sure we'll hear that again today. 

CUT TO Lawndale High Cafeteria 

Daria and Jane are sitting at their usual table at lunch. The room is surrounded in intervals with police officers. Off in the distance Daria and Jane watch some lowly kid get his tray knocked down and gets carried off by the officers. Mack sits down by Daria. 

Mack: They're really serious. 

Jane: I know. What did he do wrong? 

Mack: He used his fork with his left hand. 

Daria: Damn southpaws. 

Mack: I heard Ms. Li is coming down pretty hard on you guys. 

Jane: Yeah. (thinks for a sec) I wonder if the table is bugged. 

Daria: Don't look. Someone might get suspicious. 

Jane: Well I don't want to mime. 

Mack: (looking behind him) Uh oh. I better go. Ms. Li is coming over. 

Mack stands up and starts walking away. Ms. Li stops him. 

Ms. Li: And just what do you think YOU were doing? 

Mack: I had to ask Daria a question about AP Math. 

Ms. Li: (walking off) Sure, that's what they all say. (to Daria and Jane) What exactly are you eating today, ladies? 

Daria: (looking down at her plate) Well, it appears to be some mixture of tomato paste and pasta. Oh wait, it's spaghetti. 

Jane: (picking up a piece of bread from Daria's plate) And this mixture of grains and flour sprinkled with shards of garlic..Garlic bread. 

Ms. Li: I know very well what you two are doing. Well let me tell you, you will never control this school. Just because you got DeMartino out of the way doesn't mean that it's all downhill from there. You got it. 

Without waiting for a reply, Ms. Li walks off. Jane and Daria stare at her strangely. 

Jane: She's about 2 buttons short of a pantsuit. 

Ms. Li: (o.s.) I heard that! 

Daria: Just a minute. I gotta make a phone call. 

Daria gets up and walks to the hallway. She finds a pay phone and twists the receiver apart to make sure there isn't a bug planted. She replaces the receiver and puts some coins in the slot. 

CUT TO Mrs. Morgendorrfer's office. Marianne is frantically typing what Helen dictates when the phone rings. Helen picks up the phone. 

Helen: (sweetly) Hello? 

Daria: (in phone) Mom? Can I talk to you? 

Helen: Sweetie, I'm kind of busy right now... 

Daria: (i.p.) It has to do with Ms. Li. 

Helen: (very interested) What is she doing to you? Anything illegal? 

Daria: Well, she's planted hidden video cameras in every classroom, has about 30 police officers here, bugged me and Jane's table, and has threatened us with trying to take over the school. 

Helen: Wait a sec. You can't have cameras in a public school. (gets a pad of paper) Lemme write this down. 

CUT TO Ms. Bennett's Class. 

Everyone is slouching in their desk half asleep and half bored to death. Ms. Bennett is sitting at her desk reading "100K Reasons To Get Rid Of Pennies" and highlighting some of her favorite parts with a wide smile. Jane is drawing a picture of Ms. Li. She looks very much like Hannibal Lector all tied up in a dolly. She is being pushed away by the Grim Reaper while LHS faculty members cheer behind her. She passes the paper to Daria. Daria looks at the picture with a smile and adds a mask over Ms. Li's face. She then draws herself and Jane on a silouette of LHS acting as if they conquered it. A staticy noise over the intercom makes the entire classroom jump, as well as Ms. Bennett. 

Ms. Li: (over p.a.) EMERGENCY ASSEMBLY IMMEDIATELY! 

CUT TO LHS Auditorium. Everyone is talking wildly while Daria and Jane sit quietly observing the actions of their peers. 

Jane: This is pure pandemonium. 

Daria: The feeling or the place? 

Jane: Both. 

Ms. Li: (from stage) People! Be Quiet! 

No one listens. 

Ms. Li: Shut up or everyone has mandatory detention! 

About half shut up. 

Ms. Li: And the rest of you will scrub the toilets with your toothbrushes! 

Silence. 

Ms. Li: Now, it has come to my attention that some of you do not agree with the way I have been handling school saftey. Does anyone agree? 

Silence. A cricket chirps a few times. 

Ms. Li: I'm waiting for an answer. (Everyone stays quiet) Fine people.(starts tapping her fingers together evilly) Mandatory urine inspections every Monday moring, metal detectors will be installed in every room, and metal chips will be inserted in everyone's hand as a way to keep an eye on you people to keep honor and glory in (pause) Lawndale High. 

A large sigh is heard from the audience. 

Shot of Ms. Li tapping her fingers together menacingly during her speech. ***Commercial Break*** 

Tracy Grandstaff: Hi Daria fans. If you aren't smart enough to realize from my voice alone, I'm Tracy Grandstaff. I do Daria's voice on, duh, Daria. Knowing that there are tons of Daria fans out there, I decided to use my MTV privelages and start a contest. One that works better than the online one. 

ANNCR: Send your best Daria fan fiction stories to MTV studios and a lucky six will be animated and shown on the next ANIMATION WEEKEND. Send your letters to ANIMATE MY DARIA FIC, 1515 Broadway, NYC NY USA. 

Tracy: By the way, I don't want any sex, drugs, or perverted stories. It's bad enough doing the stories they write here. 

ANNCR: Send your story now! The winners not only get their story animated, they get to see the animation process, yell at the animators for not putting hands on the clocks, and get to present their show live. So start writing and start sending. 

Tracy: Only on MTV. 

(p.s. In case you were too thickheaded to realize it, that is NOT a real commercial. Only in my dreams could something that cool happen.) 

***Back to the show*** 

A large uproar begins will all the students, and even a few faculty members get upset. Students begin standing up and yelling at Ms. Li. She smirks and crosses her arms, obviously happy with her decision. Shot of Daria and Jane. Daria is sitting unphased in her seat, while Jane is screaming at Ms. Li. 

Jane: (looking at Daria) Daria? What are you doing? Don't you want your freedom? 

Daria: Of course I do. 

Jane: I get it. Show no emotion to piss off Ms. Li? 

Daria: Not quite. 

CUT TO shot of auditorium door slamming open with Helen leading her legal team down the aisle. A few policemen follow in hot pursuit. 

Helen: Angela, this time you have gone too far. 

Ms. Li: (caught off guard) What are you doing here? You couldn't have gotten past the guards and the german shepherds! 

Helen: (walking onstage) Ms. Li, you've been abusing the rights of your students. 

Ms. Li: Rights? These peons aren't smart enough to deserve having rights. 

A hush comes over the crowd. The students look around at each other in disbelief. 

Student: I thought you were trying to protect our rights! 

Student gets hit with some anonymous fruit, lastly a small can of pepto pink paint that knocks him unconsious. 

Daria: Good aim, ace. 

Jane: I always wanted to get rid of that paint. 

Helen: Now students, lets not resort to violence. We don't want you to add to your suffering. 

Ms. Li: Wait a second. You can't come in here without a warrant. POLICE, ARREST HER! 

Police officers walk over to Ms. Li and handcuff her. 

Ms. Li: NOT ME, HER! 

Officer 1: I think you belong in these more than the kind lady beside you. 

Officer 2: Yeah. I'm sick of my kid complaining about having his locker checked after every period of the day. 

Helen: Book em, danno. 

The officers take her away, Ms. Li kicking and screaming like a 3 year old that got it's candy taken away. 

Ms. Li: (at the top of her lungs) I'll be back! You can't get rid of me this easily! 

An expectant silence engulfs the crowd as the sound of doors slamming shut echo througout the auditorium. 

Hearing this, the students get up and cheer wildy. Much hooting and hollering is going on as Helen stands proudly in front of the students. 

Helen: (to Eric) I've always wanted to say that. 

Eric: (chuckles, then) STUDENTS, CAN I HAVE YOUR ATTENTION PLEASE? 

The students loyally sit down and are quiet. 

Eric: If there are any students out here that believe that they were mistreated beyond a doubt, pick up a card from one of our interns. The card has my company's name on it, business hours and such so that if necessary, we can go to court against your principal, Angela Li. 

Helen: On that note, GO HOME! 

The students cheer happily as they exit the auditorium. 

CUT TO Daria and Jane walking home. 

Jane: So, you actually called your mother for help, eh? 

Daria: I couldn't stand it. Ms. Li was getting out of hand, and someone had to stop her. 

Jane: But why you? 

Daria: Just wanted to punish Ms. Li for putting the idea in my head to take over the school. Just wait how suprised she'll be when it actually happens. 

Jane: Whoa. Gonna run for student council president? 

Daria: Not quite. More like demand a job working in the office. Maybe I could intercept a few notes here and there. 

Jane: I don't get you. 

Daria: Examples? 

Jane: 1. You want to take over the school. 2. You'd take a job in the school office. 3. You'd intercept a few notes, which would surely get you fired. 

Daria: I'd take the job to tick off Li, take the notes to get me fired on purpose, then use the student body's past experiences to work to my advantage. We'd all get our parents to vote Ms. Li off of the school board. Then I'll take over the school, seeing that there isn't any other competent people to do the job. 

Jane: Sounds like a plan, Sherlock. 

Daria: I'm just waiting for the sign. 

CUT TO Ms. Li in a jail cell. She is wearing the striped one piece outfit and peeling potatoes. 

Ms. Li: I'm telling you, it's that Helen Morgendoffer's child. She's satan's spawn. 

Officer: Sure lady. And I'm Santa Claus! (laughs with fellow inmates) 

*THE END* 

Any comments, words of advice, or criticisms can be sent to iamthequeen@chickmail.com . Thank you and have a nice night. 


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